Coping with Emotional Pain: Healing Heartache
It is normal for life to seem tough, at least a part of
the time. Experiencing emotional distress and heartache is not
pathological; but the choices that we make when they hit us
make the difference between a life lived to the full and one
skated over.
By heartache I mean the exaggerated pain that is stronger than the circumstances
might suggest; although it's emotional, it feels like a physical pain. It strikes
when you experience being left out, not valued, let down, as well as when you
are in love; for example when sons and daughters forget your birthday .... when "he" or "she" doesn't
ring.... when you're the one not invited...when the job suddenly goes without
warning.... when the lover is gone (who you didn't think you cared for that much
but now miss terribly).... even when you realise you're not the young or fit person
you remember yourself as. This is not the pain of actual bereavement or appropriate
remorse, although there are some resonances and similarities.
Different ways work for different people. I want to develop ways of understanding
that help a person to make some sense of what is going on, and to have the power
to improve things for themselves, based on what real people have found valuable.
I would like to hear from anyone who has a story to tell, or a method that works
The framework of a book I am working on goes like this:
1. What I need
- to understand what it's about.
- to help it feel better at the moment.
- to make sure it happens differently next time
Emily's story: the hurt of not being well any more, and how I coped.
Jean's story: staying real with a difficult daughter and how it worked out in the end.
2. Coping with Transitions
Jeanette's story. Allowing yourself time
- Dints to self-esteem, and my picture of myself.
- Looking in the mirror and affirmation techniques.
- Developing a still centre.
Jane's story: working it out with step-children
Peter's story: losing the job I was secure in
3. Tough feelings that I didn't know I had
- Envy, Jealousy, Anger, Despair, Vindictiveness, Finding Fault.
4. Ways of coping
- More about Bach flower remedies and essential oils.
- Using bodywork techniques: breathing, massage, Shiatsu.
- More about creative techniques: painting, drawing, writing, singing
- The non-attachment way
5. Regaining self-esteem
Louise's story: painting it out
of myself and then back in.
"Nobody likes me": feelings of isolation and rejection and what to do about them.