Personal control and choices

One step towards increasing your sense of personal control is to look at a wide range of options, taking them seriously and not shutting the door on them too soon. Sorting out the areas where we do have some personal control and choices, and those where we don't, also helps.

One way of starting with this is to write a list of all your "if only's..." e.g:

• "if only I had more money..."
• "if only I enjoyed my job..."
• "if only I was taller/thinner/fitter..."

and rephrase the sentences to begin with "Given that...." e.g

• "Given that I want more money...."
• "Given that there is something I want that I can't afford....."
• "Given that I don't enjoy my job..."
• "Giventhat I work better when I do enjoy my job..."
• "Given that I feel bad about my height..."

and complete the sentence with:

• "..then what are my options?"

This changes the thinking, gets you to be more specific, and helps you draw on your own wisdom, rather than your discomfort.

This is only one example of ordinary ways that you can change things by changing the way that you think, or the way that you respond to your thoughts. David K. Reynolds book "Playing Ball On Running Water" is one approach to this kind of thing and in a different way, so is Fisher and Ury's book "Getting to Yes"